Every time I try hard, most of the time I ain't got the recognition I believe I deserve. Not even the effort that I put in pays off. Nothing, just nothing in this world would be able to please the people around me, for them to give me the recognition I desire and deserve. Even when I try my best, people don't give a shit. Piano, Running, academics... All of them, no one acknowledges them... Except for myself. No one cares. Everyone thinks its just my job, that I'm obliged to do this. Yes I am, but can't you all just give me the recognition? I want it so badly.
Being in cross makes me strong,and that's why I haven't fallen, and I won't fall, never will I, until the day I give up and don't give a shit anymore, and I guess, going at this rate, it's gonna be much sooner than expected. I hate myself. Why can't I just be like others? Taught the right way, be popular in the correct way, have the ideal character. Why can't I? Often, I ask myself this question.... Why? Just why? And at the end of the day, it all boils down to one thing. I'm brought up in a highly competitive household, academics is the at the top of everything, nothing else matters,studies is always the Over weighing factor, it always wins. Academics is everything, nothing else matters as much, not even our own pride, not even our own effort. Results, results, are all just the reflection of all our effort, they say. No, that ain't true. Effort isn't reflectant on your results, even though most of the time it is. Though I was one of the nations top C div runner this year, I'm still shit. This ain't gonna change. Cuz I suck in my life, and suckers in life stay stupid, and sucky.
P.S. Yeah I'm a jerk, but you don't have to publicly announce that... and I can't believe the dude that used to be my best friend actually lost his mind and screwed around with me as well. But, just to inform you, you are no angel too. I know, the world hates me, but guess what? I ain't gonna fucking care, no ones gonna stop me from doing what I want. No one is gonna just screw myself up. No one is gonna screw my life up without my own knowledge. NO ONE DESERVES THE RIGHT TO CONDEMN ANOTHER PERSON. You ain't the special one, you can't just screw up my life. I won't let you do it.
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